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Was The Super Bowl Halftime Show Wholesome Family Fun, or a Degenerate Stripper Orgy?

Updated: May 29, 2020

One thing is certain — I’ve never wanted a Pepsi more than I did after watching the half time show Sunday night. Jennifer Lopez and Shakira (who only needs one name) were shaking their assets all over the screen for just under 15 minutes, and if there was ever another wardrobe malfunction in Super Bowl history, it could have happened this year and I would NOT have been upset about it.

Not everyone felt the same way as I did though. In a shocking turn of events, people took to twitter to voice their opinions and let the internet know how offended they were by the act.

Pro-Tip: Anyone who uses the word “disgusting” to describe people or events is typically a huge idiot.

There’s no reason to worry about the pitchfork crowd in Pittsburgh though. Local radio hero Colin Dunlap was quick on the trigger Monday morning, defending J-Lo and Shakira by…

*checks notes*

…continuously bringing up how sexy they are despite being old?

I’m on Dunlap’s side here, but c’mon — didn’t anyone ever teach you not to call out a woman by her age?

I digress. What were people expecting from the half-time performance Sunday night? Shakira has two albums called “Oral Fixation” and J-Lo just starred in a film about strippers robbing their customers. They went out and did the same thing that they built their careers on — provocation.

And what about the children? Well, I’m pretty sure Janet Jackson’s full titty was on display for me when I was 7 years old and now look at me — successfully writing blog articles for a website called Jagoff Sports.

I do still have the site of that strange looking solar nipple-ring burned into my memory, but other than that I’m solid. So I think the kids will be fine.

Kids, if you’re reading this and you live in a house where your parents were upset about the halftime show last night, your life sucks. I remember a friend of mine who wasn’t allowed to have a Playstation when we were in grade school, and you know what we did to him? We made fun of him for being a loser.

I’m curious to see if the NFL will have a response to the outrage. After nipplegate they barred MTV from the show, and we ended up with a decade of rock-and-roll halftime shows. I don’t have an issue with rock, but it’s not quite the level of Shakira shaking her ass entertainment.

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