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Forcing The Rest of Us To Stay In Lockdown is Just The Latest of Philadelphia's Crimes Against PA

Updated: May 29, 2020

Pittsburgh has done a great job of fighting off the plague, and yet we're still being punished for the sins of our intra-state rival, Philadelphia. I can't say I'm shocked - Philly is a terrible city with scummy people. Here's a comprehensive list of the things Philadelphia has ever contributed to broader society:

• Cheesesteaks, a hoagie that requires knowledge of stupid lingo ("wiz wit") to request they soak the whole thing in artificial cheese sauce

• Rocky Balboa, the greatest athlete in Philadelphia history

• A movie that gave Tom Hanks AIDS

Not a great list to begin with, but now we can all add "screwing over the rest of the state" to it. Is it so hard to have some basic decency? Maybe try picking up the trash every once in a while like Tony Danza did in that movie about your city:

Here's some stupid map, from some idiotic twitter account that reported the most popular NFL teams by state based on what I assume could only be an acid trip. According to the map, the Eagles are the most popular team in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Ohio.

Browns fan weren't happy about it, and I don't blame them. Arguing that the Eagles are the most popular team in PA is questionable, but Ohio!? If there's one thing Browns fans have going for them it's the stubborn ability to continue cheering for the worst organization in the world.

Sorry Philadelphia, but unlike your uncanny ability to spread COVID-19 to the rest of us, you're not able to spread fanhood for your awful team as far west as Ohio. Even your own fans have issues with the team after your decision to keep Carson Wentz, the most overrated quarterback since Tony Romo.

You don't believe me? Try searching the words "In 4 seasons Wentz has 0 playoff wins" on Twitter and you'll stumble across a large swath of pissed off Eagles fans who would rather be cheering for Superbowl MVP Nick Foles.

Nice brotherly love, shit hole. How can we expect this disgrace of a city to care about the other people in PA when they treat their starting quarterback with such disgust?

I'm looking forward to the October 11th matchup between the Steelers and the Eagles so we can get some revenge on these assholes. There might not be any fans in the stands, and both starting quarterbacks will be out with injuries, but this is about more than sports. Mark your calendars.

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