Ice Cream > XFL

Updated: May 29, 2020

Written by Trout. Disclaimer: Trout did not watch one play of the XFL this weekend.


Living on the outskirts of what many deem the “rustbelt”, February is not the appropriate time for ice cream. Whether it’s vanilla, chocolate, or mint chocolate chip, everyone has a preference. Ice Cream is a novelty. It represents a special treat that’s unique, and thus should be appreciated in a certain setting. Ice Cream has its season and so does football.


The Defenders beat the Dragons 31-19 in week 1 of the repeated “Inaugural” XFL season. No, I'm not talking about The Lord of the Rings Trilogy that's showing on TNT next weekend -- I'm talking about two new football teams playing against each other last weekend.


I thought I would show some examples of ice cream.

If you were a 10-year-old boy with a Play Station 2 or “PS2” in 2005, you could create a school with the team mascot set to the “Dragons”. It was awesome. You could create uniforms, stadiums, an identity all within the game. And if you weren't a psychopath, your players were amazing because you maxed out their stats. But leave it to Vince McMahon and his authentic creativity to take away every kid’s dream of creating their own football franchise with his rendition of the XFL.


I didn’t watch a game this weekend, and I didn’t have to. After Gonzaga beat St. Mary's School of The Blind on ESPN, the network turned their attention to a Duke comeback over a 10-13 North Carolina team. That’s a good baseline for interest in the XFL. None.


Luckily for the Defenders, winners of the 1st XFL game in 2020, they had Cardale Jones behind center. For those who forget, Cardale is THE former 3rd string Ohio State QB who led the Buckeyes to College Football’s first Playoff Championship. He’s famously known for saying he doesn’t need school, he came to play football. Which, to his credit, I appreciate the honesty.



Instead of pivoting to start a career as a personal trainer, Instagram motivator, or IT recruiter CJones12 decided he was a “Defender”. His good fortunes have him sitting at 1-0, praying for God’s graces and Vince McMahon to manage the league better than he did almost 20 years ago.


Before you say “Trout, who are you? How do you get off like that when CJones12 has done more in 60 minutes than you've done your whole life?” I respond with yes, that’s very true. But it’s not about Cardale or myself. It’s about preserving the quality and supply of America’s true pastime.


Let’s take a look at the duration of the major professional sports seasons:


MLB: 162 games

NHL: 82 games

NBA: 82 games

Soccer: Irrelevant

NFL: 16 game regular season, playoff format

College Football: 12 games, playoff format


One more ice cream example just to really get the point across.

Football mastered the “Less is More” formula for generating excitement and buzz unlike any other sport. For the rest, fan fatigue and overall interest fluctuates throughout the season depending on match-up and hot streaks.


In comparison, Saturdays and Sundays in the fall have become a right of passage. It’s a holiday that causes our girlfriends or wives to contemplate leaving us. That is until they realize the only guys that don't like football probably don't like girls either.


Do popsicles count as ice cream?

This market does not need saturated with more football at the expense of less quality. For XFL players, here’s some advice. It’s time to finally become a GA at Georgia State. Or maybe, it’s time to trade in your helmet for IT recruiter head set. It’s okay, Trout had to as well.


I haven’t had ice cream since last September and I don’t plan on watching football until this September.