Updated: May 29, 2020
I know what you're thinking – "How could anyone OD on sports when everything is cancelled and there's no concrete timeline for things to be un-cancelled?". You're right. As of mid-April, we've been relegated to watching re-runs of old games or worse, shitty video game simulations.
The last three weeks of sports fandom have equated to scraping the inside of your glass weed pipe to make a tiny ball of resin that you can smoke and catch a 10 minute buzz. But with the way things might play out, on November 15th we're set to receive a massive shipment of 100% Grade A, black-tar Krokodil, and I'm gearing up to freebase that shit.
It all started when the PGA announced that The Masters will be rescheduled to play from November 9th-15th. That means we could see Tiger Woods grabbing attention away from the NFL on Sunday evening. What will happen if the Steelers are playing a 4:30 game?
Don't forget that November is the time of year when hockey starts to hit its stride, and the Penguins are no stranger to playing Sunday at 12:00 noon.
And then we have baseball. The most honest and integral past time of American sports. As of right now, who knows what the hell the idiots in charge of baseball are planning to do. We know that if the season starts in June, and runs through its full cycle then we would be lining up for a November World-Series. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Let's breakdown what the ultimate sports schedule will look like on Sunday, November 15th:
I'll admit that my agenda is a work in progress, but it could be the greatest day ever with the way things currently stand. I hope everyone in Pittsburgh is ready, because things are going to be back to normal soon enough, and if your tolerance isn't where it used to be.... disaster could strike.
Note: I've been informed by the Editor-In-Chief at Jagoff Sports that I must insert a disclaimer here that we don't endorse drunk driving or drunk gambling.