What's In a Name? Renaming Star Lake Amphitheater
When Billy Joel opened Coca Cola Star Lake Amphitheater to much fanfare on June 17, 1990, it ushered in a whole new era of entertainment in our region. The 1990 crowd was so thrilled with the likes of the piano man that they decided to "sit at the Star and put bread in his jar" the following night for a previously unannounced performance.
While the venue would take on a few different official names between then and now (Post-Gazette, First Niagara, Key Bank, S&T Bank, and now the Pavilion at Star Lake), the names never really landed.
What’s in a name? Everything – especially when paired with the euphoric, traumatic, and sometimes erased memories that come with live music.
Jagoff Sports set out to make things right with some quick naming suggestions.
RT 22 – West Penn Electric Boogaloo
Star Lake has become synonymous with dangerous backups on Route 22. West Penn would be wise to hitch their wagon – since their electricity would likely be used to help resuscitate ticket holder’s lifeless bodies after a road-soda soaked accident on Route 22.
UPMC Infectious Disease Prevention Music Amphitheater
This is a no brainer. UPMC's sterling infection prevention is critical to help fight back the MRSA contracted through a piss soaked Port-A-John toilet seat. Regular attendees know if you show up with a full colon, you better empty it asap, or risk a battle with sepsis after using the john post-concert.
Isaly’s Chipped Chopped Ham Theater
Why not? The chip chop ham may just remind you of your first time lawn hookup with an unnamed girl from Monaca and her meaty haunches. Also under consideration – Wizard Sleeve Park.
Fort Cherry's Flannel Forum
Attending a country concert in Burgettstown? You better be wearing a flannel shirt or risk ridicule from your entourage and being disowned by your entire family. Although for no apparent reason the footwear has moved from cowboy boots to…steel toed work boots?? – the flannel shirt remains a staple.
George W Bush Presents, Star Lake Amphitheater
When the former President, along with Lynn Swann, inexplicably visited the venue in 2004, he mistakenly thought he was attending a BUSH concert, with No Doubt as openers.
Bloody Rocks Amphitheater
The prepubescent parking attendants, with seemingly no empathy, leadership or training, tend to park you and your caravan as close to the West Virginia state line as possible. After countless dad pops and few hippie crack balloons you may find yourself in quite a pickle at the bottom of the cliffs near the rear of the parking area.
Dave Mathews Park
All the craft beer and resin balls you can handle. Socks and sandals be damned.
What should the name of the Pavilion at Star Lake be?
- RT 22 – West Penn Electric Boogaloo
- UPMC Infectious Disease Prevention Music Amphitheater
- Flannel Shirt Stadium
- George W Bush presents, Star Lake Amphitheater